Santa Who?
by PfenixB
Summary: Sephiroth is forced into a Santa costume to entertain local orphans. Zack is highly amused. I had too much fun writing this for them to have a chance of being in character. Sephiroth is whining.


Just a fun little idea I had. It goes along with a picture in my head that I have yet to draw, because I have very little artistic talent. If someone draws this for me, though, I'd like to see it!

What's more fun than a whiny Sephiroth? Nothing!

* * *

"No."

"You don't get to say 'no.' We've all had to do it, now it's your turn."

"No."

"General Sephiroth, this is part of your responsibility as a ShinRa official."

"I will _not_."

"You will, or you will be removed from your position."

Sephiroth knew the man was lying. They wouldn't let him go over something stupid like this. He was too good.

"Aw, come on. I did it last year, remember? It wasn't that bad."

"Why don't you do it again this year, then? _I _don't want to."

"Well, _you _don't have a choice."

"Shut it, Genesis. I guess he doesn't have to do it…"

"Oh, yes, he does. You two are busy, the President and his son are much too busy to be bothered with this, and I have done it enough times in the past to outnumber anyone else in this room."

"Well, then, that was your choice, wasn't it? You volunteered at all the other places. _I_ don't have a choice. Why not? Angeal and Genesis aren't really busy. I just heard you tell them that they're on duty outside the building I'm working. Anyway, Angeal is closer to the right build and everything…"

"Wow. Never thought I'd live to see the great General Sephiroth whining!"

That comment, of course, was enough to drive even a cold, uncaring man to prove that he was _not _a sissy.

--------------------------------------Two days later-----------------------------------------------------

"Why do I have to do this again?"

"Oh, come on, Seph. You look great."

"Shut up!"

"No, I'm serious! Just…smile a little, okay? Gen, don't you think the kids'll love him if he'd just smile a little?"

"Most definitely."

"I have another question. Why is it that we're First-Class, and we're stuck on Santa duty, but the others are still fighting?"

"It's an impression thing. The big guys have got to look like they care about the community."

"But I _don't."_

"We _know!_" Angeal and Genesis answered together.

"How long do I have to wear this ridiculous thing?"

"Three hours or so."

"Three- you're not serious, Angeal."

"'Fraid I am, Seph. But It really won't be so bad."

"Maybe not for _you. You_ actually like kids. What's wrong with you, anyway?"

"Nothing's wrong with me. You're just antisocial."

"So tell me again why you can't be Santa Claus while I stand guard?"

"Your name came out of the hat. The hat you're wearing, in fact."

"Stupid thing." Sephiroth lifted an arm in an attempt to remove the revolting article from his head. Other people had touched it, and now it was touching his precious hair!! Not only that, but he was being forced to wear a stupid, itchy, fake beard. He was _not_ pleased.

"Ooh, look! We're here! They're waiting for you, Sephiroth! Have fun!"

----------------------------------Three hours later----------------------------------------

Sephiroth was not a happy man. He had been forced to wear a ridiculous outfit, speak civilly to children, have children sit on his lap, _and_ smile and speak civilly to the children _while_ they were sitting on him.

"Hey there, General!"

"Lieutenant Fair. I thought you were supposed to be cleaning up the base-"

"I was, but they said I was done for the night. Angeal told me you were gonna be Santa, but I didn't believe him. I kinda still don't believe it, really. Can I take a picture?"

"No." That word was getting to make up a huge percentage of Sephiroth's vocabulary.

"So, having fun?"

"Fun? I have had three children slobber all over my face-"

"Aww…they like you enough to kiss you?"

"-one threw up on me-"

"Yuck, sorry. At least he didn't…oh, one wet on you, too, huh?" Zack couldn't contain a smile as he thought of the mighty Sephiroth, who killed people effortlessly, tolerating a toddler peeing on him.

"-and yes, one wet on me. So, am I having fun? What do you think?"

Zack thought, and then drew closer to the General, whose eye was now twitching in annoyance.

"Well, I'm gonna guess you aren't enjoying it much."

The eye twitch intensified as yet another child climbed onto Sephiroth's lap.

"Hey, Santa! Guess what I want for Christmas? I want a puppy and a kitten and a pony and-ooh! Can I have a chocobo? A pretty yellow one? Pleeeease, Santa?"

"Be a good little…boy…and we'll see."

"YAY! Thanks, Santa!"

Zack was impressed. He hadn't expected the General to actually respond to the boy, and he certainly hadn't expected to hear so many words leave the man's mouth all at once. Of course, Zack wouldn't know how much Sephiroth usually talked, because Zack had that habit of cutting people off mid-sentence…

Suddenly, Zack had an idea. He moved closer to the irritated general, who realized a moment too late what was coming.

"Don't you dare-"

"Hey, Santa," said Zack from Sephiroth's lap. "What do I get for Christmas?"

"You'll be lucky if you don't get murdered," growled our now beyond irritated general.

"Zack! What are you doing? Leave Sephiroth alone!"

"Aww, come on, Angeal, I was just having a little fun…"

"Yeah, well, you should know better than to try that around Seph. No offense, buddy."

"None taken…wait. You' re inside the building."

"…Yes, obviously…"

"So that means it's time to go?"

"Yeah. Come on. Zack here actually came in to tell you it was time to leave. I followed him after I realized it was taking waaay too long."

Sephiroth's eye started twitching again. He stood up, letting Zack fall to the ground.

"You just wait until we get out of this orphanage," he growled.

Zack, once again, couldn't help smiling as he pulled himself into a standing position. "You know, that might be a little more intimidating coming from someone _not _dressed like Santa Claus."

* * *

Yeah, I'm pretty sure Gaia doesn't exactly observe the commercial version of Christmas, but I had to write this or I would have felt very unfulfilled.

Thanks for reading. Sorry this was mostly dialogue, and that you sort of have to guess who's saying what at the beginning.  
Please review! Thanks for reading.  
-PfenixB


End file.
